I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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