Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
