My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
