Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Ladies don't puke and tell
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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