last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
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