I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
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Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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