he thought i was a dude.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
