the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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