Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
