I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
