How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
