dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
