Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
