Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
