Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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