a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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