arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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