have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
