i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
it's like iHOP with fire
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
