I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This is my gift to your gina
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
