I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
