Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
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I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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