have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Vodka?
Forever.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
