and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
