I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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