YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
