my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
