my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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