No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
