My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
