Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
