I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
