Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
