my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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