Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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