i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude i'm inner monologue high
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
