Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
