Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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