He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
