Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
