every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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