She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
