Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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