I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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