you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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