Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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