oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
