:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
