Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize