I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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