Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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