Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
