I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
