Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
