I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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