you traded sex for a burrito?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
