He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
