she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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