I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
