I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
it hurts more in the daytime
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
PANTIES FOUND
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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