seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
