He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
