I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
